Adult Themes, Ballad, Country Song, Love, Lyrics, Naughty, No Music Yet, Relationships, Romance, Women, Young Love

She Knows How

She does the dishes
She folds the clothes
She manages the home
Dinner delights my nose
Oh, it’s plain to see
She knows how
To get a rise out of me

She picks up the kids
And doesn’t complain
She cuddles close
When it starts to rain
Oh, it’s meant to be
She knows how
To get a rise out of me

She loves her Mama
She loves her Daddy
When I’m in the rough
She’s my caddy
And she grabs my club
And tells me to
Put it in the hole
And I do, Hell yeah, I do…

When I’ve had enough
She brings me a beer
And she whispers softly
In my eager ear
Soon enough,
I’m flying free…
How does she know
How to get a rise out of me?

She sure knows how
To get a rise out of me

July 4, 2021

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Autobiographical, Hokum, Inspired by an Article, Introspective, Lyrics, Naughty, No Music Yet, One Night Stands, Romance, Satire

Grinding the Corn

t took me a long while
To understand how to do it right
Like a younger boxer
Who’s training hard for a fight

I didn’t learn it from a book
It was from experience & porn
Then I finally got the hang
Of grinding the corn

I had lots of partners
They lost their patience with me
I didn’t have what they needed
To be comfortable and free

Until I started comprehending
I had to poke it like a thorn
Then she was hot and bothered
From grinding the corn

Grinding the cord
Is harder than it seems
It’s easier to do it
When you’re having wet dreams
Grinding the corn
Has nothing to do with food
But once you master the process
It’ll put your woman in a better mood

I can’t tell you how to do it
You’ll have to learn on your own
But you can’t be soft or timid
You’ve gotta be hard as a stone

You’ve gotta keep your goal in mind
Until she blows that mighty horn
Then you both will get great sleep
After grinding the corn

So keep at it, you’ll eventually master
The art of grinding the corn

Memorial Day Weekend, 2021

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Adult Themes, Americana, Country Song, Love, Lyrics, Naughty, No Music Yet, Relationships, Romance

Belly to Belly, Lips to Lips, Nose to Nose

Just ’cause I’m a Farm boy from California
Just ’cause I was raised Middle Class
Just ’cause I didn’t finish college
Just ’cause I’m not a fan of smokin’ grass

I’m a no manscaped city lovin’ kid
I’m no Regular Joe or well-to-do
But if you gave me a chance
For a little sweet ‘n fun romance
I know I could prove to you

I’m a Farm boy you’ll wanna get to know
I read lotsa books ‘n love picture shows
I love going out for dinner & dessert
n hittin’ up County Fairs n Rodeos
This Farm boy don’t wear fancy clothes
And boy do I like to slow dance real close
Belly to belly, lips to lips, and nose to nose

Just ’cause I wear a dirty trucker hat
And my cowboy boots aren’t clean
Just ’cause I wear a Harley leather jacket
Just ’cause I wear these ragged ol’ jeans

I’m one who cleans up when need be
I’m a very good kisser ‘n love to hug
And if you give me a whirl
I’d be really great for you girl
Like that Carmel Macchiato in your mug

I’m a Farm boy who’s rarin’ to go
For long rides with you in my Tahoe
I love trips to places like Vegas and Reno
But I still love going to good ol’ Chicago
I don’t wear designer denim clothes
But boy do I like to cuddle up real close
Belly to belly, lips to lips, nose to nose
Belly to belly, lips to lips, nose to nose
Belly to belly, lips to lips, nose to nose

Girl, let’s get
belly to belly,
lips to lips,
nose to nose

October 2. 2019

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Adult Themes, Country Song, Lyrics, Naughty, No Music Yet, Relationships

Nipple Chills

I wanna see you get nipple chills
I want you to feel it in your feet
As you pull me into you closely
I wanna be one with your heartbeat
I wanna know what we have is unique
’cause you say it makes you weak
Let’s go back to my place in the Hills
’cause I wanna give you nipple chills

We just met here at this old bar
I don’t know if you drove your car
I’m so attracted to you, girl
Do you wanna give me a whirl
I’m not that bang & bail kinda guy
I don’t wanna make you cry
We can Uber to Canter’s Deli for a bite
Then come with me & spend the night

I wanna see you get nipple chills
I want you to feel it in your feet
As I pull you into me closely
I wanna be one with your heartbeat
I wanna make you squeal & squeak
as you enjoy my passion & technique
Let me go take care of these bills
So you can feel those nipple chills

Nipple Chills
(Don’t you wanna feel them baby?)
Nipple Chills
(Don’t you need them tonight?)
Nipple Chills
(Don’t you wanna feel them baby?)
Nipple Chills
(Don’t you need them tonight?)
Nipple Chills

November 9, 2018

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Adult Themes, Americana, Country Song, Growing Up, Inspired by High School, Love, Lyrics, Naughty, No Music Yet, Relationships, Rites of Passage

Parents’ Home Date

The popcorn’s made, it’s in a white plastic bowl
It’s a home date, he’s gotta keep it under control
He’s gotta show her he cares, but stay kinda cool
but she’s already changed into a suit for the pool
He picked out a movie, she wants to go swimmin’
She’s flirty like a lot of older attractive women
He wonders if he’s too square ‘n he’s not her style
But somethin’ sparks inside him when she smiles

Her parents are out of town, it’s the perfect chance
for her to see if this guy is up for a horizontal dance
He knows a gentleman would likely take a stance
that he should focus on love, not a fast romance

He says he cares for her, he wants to take it slow
She says she’s in love with him ‘n lets him know
She’s not gonna bite him, or hurt his eager heart
Yet it’s not like they promised ’til death do they part
and he says OK, he changed into his tight swimsuit
In the meantime, she references a bamboo flute
He’s nervous as hell, ’cause her game is on fleek
Her arms are around his neck ‘n she kisses his cheek

Her lips are crimson ‘n soft now as they’re kissing hard
They’re getting hot ‘n heavy, maybe going too far
She’s really excited, purrin’ like a sports car
Lickin’ his chest ‘n neck, like he’s her ice cream bar

It kinda scares him a little, she’s so forward ‘n fun
She’s really experienced, yet he’s the chosen one
She could be with anyone, she’s the foxy kind
‘n he’s telling himself inside she’s out of her mind
Then they hear a familiar car pull up in the drive
It’s the scariest moment he’s had in his teenage life
But he isn’t stopping ‘n neither will she
It’s over before they know it ‘n they’re home free

They opened the front door, he went out the back gate
They say she should come inside, it’s getting so late
He texts her a message, he’ll pick her up around eight
‘n she’s thinking she’s found her long-lasting soulmate

She’s thinking she’s found
her long-lasting soulmate
on their passionate,
not so innocent,
sexy, fun-filled,
secret parents’ home date

September 18, 2018

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Adult Themes, Funny, Inspired by High School, Introspective, Jazz, Lyrics, Naughty, No Music Yet, Parody Lyrics, Satire

Maybe It’s Just My Boner

When I was younger than I am now
I’d get erections all the time
In classrooms and bathrooms
The feeling was very sublime

So it’s weird now that I’m older
‘Cause my dick doesn’t go up much these days
Even when I’m not attracted to the girl
it decides to go against my heart and raise

And as I dance real close
to a girl who I just met that night
I feel it slowly rising, she does too
Then I question if it’s really right

Maybe it’s love
or maybe it’s just my boner
playing tricks on me
Maybe it’s romance
or maybe it’s just my boner
on one big shopping spree
Maybe it’s telling me
she could be the one
but it also could just be implying
that it wants to be in her bun
I know I cannot ever be sure
Maybe it’s just my boner

Maybe it’s just my boner.

2003

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Adult Themes, Cabaret, Jazz, Lyrics, Naughty, No Music Yet, Women

Chocolate Covered Banana

Bartender, I’ve had a really rough week
The slopes here have been hard on me
I was wonderin’ if you could be so kind
to fix me one of the house specialties

I know you know how to make it
I’m sure you’ve done it before
And if you make it right for me
you will absolutely score

Give me a Chocolate Covered Banana
and baby, I don’t mean the drink
Cover it with extra syrup
Do it with a smile and a wink
Give me that Chocolate Covered Banana
It’s just what I need I think
It’s your Chocolate Covered Banana
Baby, I don’t mean the drink

I’ve come to this club several times
You know me very well
I love the way you comb your hair
and I’m turned on by how you smell

I love how you flirt with me
So I thought I call you on your bluff
Oh I know once I have it
I’ll never get enough

Give me a Chocolate Covered Banana
and baby, I don’t mean the drink
Cover it with extra syrup
Do it with a smile and a wink
Give me that Chocolate Covered Banana
It’s just what I need I think
Give me your Chocolate Covered Banana
Baby, I don’t mean the drink

Give me your Chocolate Covered Banana
Baby, I don’t mean the drink.

2009, Revised 2018

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Adult Themes, Country Song, Funny, Lyrics, Naughty, No Music Yet

Sex Might Help

If you’re down on your luck
You just crashed your GMC truck
Yeah, then life might suck –
But sex might help

If someone special left you
And you don’t know what to do
Here’s a tip when you get blue
Hey, sex might help

Whether it’s tender
or a little rough
Or your partner
is sensitive or tough
It just might help your mood
in a Chevy on a back road
Sometimes all you need
is take a big ol’ creamy load
See, we need that dirty connection
Like we need fresh water and food

So if you need a helping hand
Girl, I’ll be there, I’ll be the man
Deep down I know you understand
Sex might help
You won’t find this advice on Yelp
Sex might help

Solo

Whether it’s tender
or a little rough
Or your partner
is sensitive or tough
It just might help your mood
in a Chevy on a back road
Sometimes all you need
is take in a big ol’ creamy load
See, we need that dirty connection
Like we need fresh water and food

So if you need a helping hand
Girl, I’ll be there, I’ll be the man
I’ll help you try to understand
Sex might help

Sex, whoa, hot steamy break the bed sex
with me in a fleabag motel might help.

March 5, 2018

Lyrics Notes: The inspiration is below…

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Adult Themes, Love, Lyrics, Naughty, No Music Yet, Unrequited, Women

Timberly

We met through my ex-girlfriend back in ’96
She had coffee colored eyes & blonde hair
And I never got to know her very well
Which to me, doesn’t seem very fair
My ex-girlfriend loved talking about her
She told me about her ex-fiance’ Mike
And she said they all were roommates
Then she expressed what it was like

Timberly
Had been engaged with that guy
Timberly
Broke it off and she told me why
Timberly
Found out that he was cheating
Timberly
Caught him in an elaborate lie

She logged in and checked his history
Found out he was a member of a site
Where he was meeting multiple girls
He took each one for drinks and a bite
So she thought she’d set a trap for him
She knew he would likely take the bait
Cause he wasn’t suspicious of motives
He just knew he met a woman named Kate

“Kate’ was my ex-girlfriend in a brunette wig
She dressed differently so he had no clue
They had planned a special night with him
Just to see what he decided he would do

Timberly
Got my ex-girlfriend to trick a guy she liked
Timberly
Found out he was into her and psyched
Timberly
Watched from behind the closet door
Timberly
Couldn’t keep it a secret anymore

She burst out of my girlfriend’s closet
She got all excited and wanted to play
She decided to join in on the action
Just to see if he’d be into a three-way
Well he saw her and started freaking out
He got on his clothes and out of there
She never heard from Mike again
And frankly, my friend, she didn’t care

Timberly
Moved away after I met my ex-girlfriend
Timberly
Got hired as a server and got to bartend
Timberly
Sent a email to me as she had things to say
Timberly
Was the one who told me my girlfriend was gay
Timberly
Thanks to you my dear, wherever you are
Timberly
I hope you end up to be a well-known star
Timberly
Thanks for telling me about her secret life
Timberly
Before we married and she became my wife

Timberly
Thanks for telling me about her secret life
Timberly
Before we married and she became my wife

2017

Lyrics Notes: I did meet a Timberly while I was dating a girl way back when, but this is one of those interesting things where I thought up a complete storyline that was far more cooler than the actual experience. Again, creative license with a name I kinda like and it stuck with me as one to use as a song based on a name.

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