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Adult Themes, Americana, Blues, Funny, Hokum, Lyrics, No Music Yet, Parody Lyrics, Satire, Snarky

Skin Tag Blues

I’ve got the Skin Tag Blues
I’ve got the Skin Tag Blues
They’re all over my feet
That’s why I don’t like wearin’ shoes
Skin Tag Blues
Skin Tag Blues
There’s nothin’ I can do
‘bout these Skin Tag Blues

Skin tags on my belly
Skin tags on my back
Skin tags on the nape of my neck
Skin tags near my crack

Skin tags in all kinds of places
I don’t like them one bit
Cause whenever I touch ‘em
I have a conniption fit

I’ve got the Skin Tag Blues
I’ve got the Skin Tag Blues
They’re all over my feet
That’s why I don’t like wearin’ shoes
Skin Tag Blues
Skin Tag Blues
There’s nothin’ I can do
‘bout these Skin Tag Blues

I went to see a skin specialist
She said she’d remove ‘em for a fee
But she also said it would hurt like hell
That really disappointed me

I tried clipping one of them off
Boy they really do bleed
I’ve even numbed ‘em & cut ‘em
But they just grow back like weeds

I’ve got the Skin Tag Blues
I’ve got the Skin Tag Blues
They’re all over my feet
That’s why I don’t like wearin’ shoes
Skin Tag Blues
Skin Tag Blues
There’s nothin’ I can do
‘bout these Skin Tag Blues

There’s nothin’ I can do
‘bout these Skin Tag Blues

January 1, 2021

Adult Themes, Funny, Inspired by High School, Introspective, Jazz, Lyrics, Naughty, No Music Yet, Parody Lyrics, Satire

Maybe It’s Just My Boner

When I was younger than I am now
I’d get erections all the time
In classrooms and bathrooms
The feeling was very sublime

So it’s weird now that I’m older
‘Cause my dick doesn’t go up much these days
Even when I’m not attracted to the girl
it decides to go against my heart and raise

And as I dance real close
to a girl who I just met that night
I feel it slowly rising, she does too
Then I question if it’s really right

Maybe it’s love
or maybe it’s just my boner
playing tricks on me
Maybe it’s romance
or maybe it’s just my boner
on one big shopping spree
Maybe it’s telling me
she could be the one
but it also could just be implying
that it wants to be in her bun
I know I cannot ever be sure
Maybe it’s just my boner

Maybe it’s just my boner.

2003

Adult Themes, Country Song, Love, Lyrics, Naughty, Parody Lyrics, Satire

Where Her Legs Begin

There’s a great big world right next to me
And I know you know what I’m talkin’ about
She cleans it every morning of the week
So it doesn’t smell like Rainbow Trout

And she loves it when I give it attention
She gets so happy and her smile’s so wide
It’s a special kind of feeling
Whenever I touch her way deep inside

Where her legs begin, It tastes like peaches
Where her legs begin, It’s a wonderful place
Where her legs begin, I found life’s meaning
Where her legs begin, It’s a quiet and safe space

I know for some there’s a certain stigma
They find theirs dirty and unclean
And there are all kinds of nicknames for it
Some of them are ok but most are mean

But my girl – Hers is quite unique
It’s the best I think I’ll ever see
I’ll describe it again best I can
So you hopefully will believe me

Where her legs begin, It’s better than Grandma’s Apple Pie
Where her legs begin, It tastes better than ice cream
Where her legs begin, Is where I found my special purpose
Where her legs begin is right out of my boyhood dream

Where her legs begin, It tastes like peaches
Where her legs begin, It’s a toasty fireplace
Where her legs begin, I found life’s meaning
Where her legs begin, It’s a quiet and safe space

Where her legs begin, is a toasty fireplace.

2017

Funny, Love, Lyrics, Parody Lyrics

Looks Like You Don’t Love Me Anymore

I call you up on your Samsung Note
That never leaves your side
And instead of clicking answer
You decide to hide
Behind a message back to me
Saying you’re too busy to talk
You suggest I rent a movie
Or go out for a walk

I send you flowers every week
But I’ve seen them in your trash
You say if I give you anything
You would prefer a little cash
Even though you have tons of shoes
You say you could use a ton more
When I come over to surprise you
You don’t answer your door

And it looks like you don’t love me anymore

The only time you call me
Is when you need a ride
But you don’t say where we’re going
And you don’t let me come inside
I think a lot of guys are texting you
But I have no substantial proof
When I ask you what you’ve been doing
You’re nonchalant and aloof

I thought we were getting serious
I thought I’d marry you one day
But whenever I bring this up to you
You have nothing to say

It really looks like
You don’t love me
Anymore… nooooooo
It looks like
You don’t love me
Anymore…

Don’t expect me to call you
Don’t ever think it’s me outside
Don’t ask me for any more money
I’ll find myself a bride
One who’ll want to spend her time with me
And not just spend it all on their phone
One who won’t ever make me feel
Like I’ll always be alone

So it feels like this is it
I’m done and so are you
We’ve had a good time together
But it’s over, we are through
Now, can I have all my hoodies back
And that gaming laptop too?
No they weren’t gifts & you can’t keep them
Give them back or I’ll sue

Let’s not turn this into
Some long and dragged out war
Just because it’s true
You don’t love me anymore
You can’t deny it now
You don’t love me anymore.

2016

Lyric Notes: One of my Lyric Writing Heroes “Weird Al” Yankovic wrote a song called “You Don’t Love Me Anymore” and I about flipped. I wrote this lyric out of the blue and there it was, a different version of the same idea. It really upset me and I hope he likes this one too. “Sometimes it happens,” as Tom Petty once said.

Trippin on Tabbouleh

Sung to the tune of “Trippin’ Down the Freeway” by Weezer

I told you that this party would be great
You said no, it wouldn’t be the right scene
You said let’s go to Homecoming
I told you that you’re a kooky dame

No way, someone just told me
Someone spiked a dish on the kitchen table
We’re stoned, it’s not the red wine
We’re now all having an awesome time
You’ve gotta get the name of the cook
I’m totally gonna put this in my book
You know that we should really stay
We can’t leave here yet cause we’re trippin’ on tabbouleh

(Trippin’ on Tabbouleh)

You said to me that it’s not really weed
I said “I feel like I have been healed”
You said let’s go I think I have the Swine Flu
I said “Girl, here’s some Tums for you to chew”

No way, we’re not gonna leave now
This party’s getting better by the second
We’re lit but not from the beer bong
Listen here, I drove, and I’m in charge
You’re in denial of what you just took
This situation is majorly off the hook
In the end we’re all gonna be okay
We’ll eventually stop trippin’ on tabbouleh

guitar solo

No way, we’re not gonna leave now
This party’s getting better by the second
We’re lit but not from the beer bong
Listen here, I drove and I’m in charge
You’re in denial of what you just took
This situation is majorly off the hook
In the end we’re all gonna be okay
We’ll eventually stop trippin’ on tabbouleh

Trippin’ on Tabbouleh (x7)

© 2010, Lyric: Matthew K. Gray, Music: Rivers Cuomo.