Old-Money Man

She wanted an old-money manone who wore a uniformShe wanted an old-money manSomeone who’d keep her warmSomeone who’d wear a silk tieSomeone who’d wear pricy suitsShe wanted an old-money manNot one who wore muddy boots Well, I’m not an old-money manI’m a denim and flannel guyYeah, I’m not an old-money manI love sunsets and rhubarbContinue reading “Old-Money Man”

Etiquette Nazis

There she is at the dinner partyTelling them all how to behaveThere she is at the dinner partyDoin’ that Princess Wave There she is at the dinner partyGiving orders like an Uppity DameExpecting everyone to be PreppyExpecting everyone to be the same Somebody tell the Etiquette NaziSomebody tell her she’s all wrongSomebody tell the EtiquetteContinue reading “Etiquette Nazis”

Better to Lose the Saddle

They say you can risk everything Put it all right on that line You can bet the Farm or your house But that philosophy ain’t mine ‘Cause once I loved this girl And I gave up everything I had I spent every last penny on her Then one day I made her so mad ThatContinue reading “Better to Lose the Saddle”

Skin Tag Blues

I’ve got the Skin Tag Blues I’ve got the Skin Tag Blues They’re all over my feet That’s why I don’t like wearin’ shoes Skin Tag Blues Skin Tag Blues There’s nothin’ I can do ‘bout these Skin Tag Blues Skin tags  on my belly Skin tags on my back Skin tags on the napeContinue reading “Skin Tag Blues”

Non-Spiteful Song

We got along Or so I thought It was your lies That I bought You said you loved Me and me alone But now you can’t Answer your phone I wish I wish I wish I wish I wish I could write you A Non-Spiteful Song But I can’t I hated your guts You toldContinue reading “Non-Spiteful Song”

Foolish Expectations

I thought in you, I found a friend One who would be there until death We fought like good friends do So I began holding my breath There was a day when I knew You didn’t want me to know you It was after many things you said hammered at once inside my head FoolishContinue reading “Foolish Expectations”

If You’re Looking For My Heart

I don’t know if you even care though you’re sittin’ with me here With me at this bowling alley bar and you just ordered me a cold beer I’m not used to forward women But before we even start It’s been thrown in the trash If you’re looking for my heart It’s been thrown inContinue reading “If You’re Looking For My Heart”

Suburban Cowboy Wannabe

V1 He’s done his wardrobe research Wears flannel shirts, jeans and hat He listens to 80’s country artists At home it’s just him and his cat Weekends are when he gets loose Drives his Chevy out to the Roadhouse But all the country girls know better He’s desperate for a spouse Just another big townContinue reading “Suburban Cowboy Wannabe”

Halloween in Haddonfield

Parents go out and leave their kids at home With hot looking babysitters who mess around Their boyfriends arrive when the kids are asleep And they try not to make any big sounds Maybe they decided to watch a scary movie Maybe they’re drinkin’ beer n gettin” high They’re likely dry humpin’ in the familyContinue reading “Halloween in Haddonfield”